Bedtime Nightmares

Bedtime is sucking the life out of me. Seriously. I feel like a little piece of Jennifer is gone each night.

I'm to the point where I'm starting to get downright angry and I don't want to. I can feel my blood pressure rising. WHY WON'T THEY JUST GO TO SLEEP? Or I guess I could be more specific, Why won't HE just go to sleep? Really? It's not so hard. It's a basic thing in life that we all need to survive. Our bodies are wired to do it. What is the problem??

I really can't spend hours trying to get them all into bed. I have other things that I need to get done. I'm waking up totally unprepared because I am forced to stay up past MY bedtime just to get everyone else sleeping. It's frustrating and it has to stop. It's hard enough when Andy is here to help out and we can share the burden. With him being gone, it now seems nearly impossible.

Nick is used to Andy putting him to bed. He doesn't want anything to do with me at night. He fusses, he fights, he head butts and bites (sounds like the beginning of a poem about a monster or something!). Short of tying him to the bed, I don't know what to do. As soon as I lay him down, he's back up again - jumping on the other bed, pulling books off the shelf, leaving his room and getting into things in the kitchen. I have to either stand at his door and take him back to his bed every 30 seconds (that gets old quickly!), or I have to take him downstairs and hold him until he falls asleep. That would work, but lately all he does is wrestle with me and he flat out refuses to even rest his head on me.

In addition to him, I have Tori to take care of. Usually she will fall asleep, but not always. She is only 8 months old and needs to be fed when she's hungry and changed when she's wet. If I'm spending hours putting him to bed, then she's bound to need SOMETHING at some point in time.

Ellie and Kate are pretty good about getting into bed. I don't mind too much if they read as long as they are quiet and don't bug me during the whole process.

Lexie on the other hand is a born chatterbox. She talks and sings and mumbles and makes weird noises when she is supposed to be quietly laying in bed. This irritates her sisters (who share a room with her) and then they come to me to complain. I can't keep her quiet. She makes noise constantly until she falls asleep. It's like she has a little soundtrack going in her brain and she has to let everyone else hear it. Bless her, she just can't seem to help herself!!

So, I am finding myself getting resentful. Why can't I just have a peaceful evening once in a while? I'd love to go to bed early with a thick book. Or do some genealogy on the computer. Or finish up getting schoolwork prepared for the next day. Or do some much needed housework. Or watch a movie by myself. Or just enjoy some peace and quiet! I can think of a zillion things I would rather do than put my children to bed.

Maybe that's the problem. I'm not feeling loving and understanding when I put them to bed. I know that emotionally Nick is having a rough time with Daddy being gone again. I know he's hurting inside and he can't let it out in an acceptable way.

Also, he's not getting nearly enough physical activity during the day. He's a little boy and he needs to run around. Right now, it's just too cold out and we, unfortunately, don't have a gym in our house. He needs to be good and worn out by the time I put him to bed.

I just wish we could be one of those families that read a bedtime story, tuck their kids in, and then they are out for the night. Do they really exist, or is that just in the movies? Maybe I'm fooling myself. I don't know. Something has to change soon though, because I can't deal with this every evening.

Okay, I feel better now that I have voiced my frustrations. I know that Andy has only been gone for a few nights and it's bound to get better. Nick is finally asleep in my arms so it's looking better already. It's only 11:15 - maybe I have time to get something done before I collapse :)